Beta HCG

I’m hating the smell of the favorite perfume I used since childhood. The most loved garlic fry seems excruciating to my senses. The sunscreen I prescribed to my better half is sponsoring repulsion between us whenever applied. I am not able to eat anything as I feel like puking as soon as I see any food in my plate… I get up at midnight and cry for no reason. No work excites me… no reading material interests me. I’m living in a weird state of impatience, anxiety and restlessness.

I shout at my better half for all unreasonable stuff. He is on his toes to keep my mood in place 24x7. He shows me movies, cooks new stuff to interest my taste buds, while I’m hardly able to swallow anything. Reads jokes for me at midnight, but I do not feel interested.

I keep thinking about the all the pessimistic obnoxious stuff, what is the use of having progeny? Will I be able to bear and rear successfully and efficiently? What useful will my child do besides living with so many unanswered questions like me?

The Beta HCG level is doubling every 24 hour..

Disparate... by nature!

My country is a land of disparity (or may be the whole earth is, just that my experiences mainly happened in my country, so I can surely say this about my home land).

Women are perennially treated separately than men in India(the traditions always wanted to enhance the differences beyond biology). To a perennial travesty is attributed this extremely weird custom of “Milnis”.

When parents marry their daughter, they want to splurge on their child. They buy her new clothes, jewelry, home appliances, four wheeler and what not. This is a very much obvious phenomenon. However, irrespective of willing or not willing, the girl’s parents are expected to gift all the family and relatives of the groom with clothes(irrespective of how much distant the relative might be), sweets, dry fruits and goodies of all possible kinds. And yes, remember, if you have engagement and marriage as two separate celebrations, double the number of clothes.. Ah, the great tradition does not end here. The parents of the groom are also gifted with gold ornaments!! For one year(atleast) post marriage, whenever any festival comes post marriage, the parents and kins of groom are to be gifted with sweets and clothes by the bride’s parents. Not to mention the money, this is prefixed with each costume as “shagan”.

Now, everytime the girl bears a child/children, her parents have to gift the whole family and relatives of boy with clothes and money. After all, their girl has created another liability in the life of in-laws by bearing a child for her in laws and extending their lineage!

Point worth mention I forgot: In the whole drama, the parents of the groom have no accountability to gift anything to the parents/family of the bride in the whole life, if the bride has any younger brother, then he will have one costume as gift for life from the in laws of her sister at the time of marriage.

How traditional… yey!

The only rationale whole drama seems to scream so nudely is: “In marriage, the girl’s parents are actually the culprits of giving birth to a girl. At the time of marriage, they are basically handing over their lifetime burden to the groom, so, they have to keep paying off as much as possible time to time in disguise of being traditional”.

When the modern middle class parents have a girl as their child, their education and thought process leads to upbringing of a daughter who is well educated and well earning. When, at the time of their marriages, such independent and educated girls are tied to the cliché of maltraditions by their not so daring parents, they are bound to feel insulted and strangled the whole of their life. They get up everyday trying to solve the riddle of where are they lacking as compared to their husbands so that their parents not only donated their daughter and her life long earnings, but are also paying extra on each festival to their daughter's in laws. .. 

A girl, who spent her childhood dreaming about helping her middle class family’s monthly finances one day, finds herself in an altogether strange world where not only she is barred from financing her own parents, but her parents are rather obliged to spend on her in laws every now and then. If, she, being the “bahu”(daughter in law), washes the utensils at the place of her in laws, it’s a feather in her cap. But if her husband, who becomes the “damaad”(son in law), does same at her parent’s place, nobody likes it(None of damaads tend to be so humble either.. huh).

We should not blame anyone who is exercising female foeticides unless we, ourselves change our mutated tendency of observing our own daughter as “paraya dhan(mortgaged asset)” which practically comes out to be worse than a mortgaged asset on the ground.

PS: I really appreciate the oneness and equality so clearly observed by tribals (the so called uneducated and half civilized human clans). I think they are far more advance in social set up than the pseudo modern class we live in. I heard that, the boy’s parents always pay back something to the girl’s parents at the time of marriage (since the girl’s parents are donating their precious child to the boy’s parents for an association lifelong). This is a better logic(if not best) than ours… NO?

Half Death

PS: Not written in a gush of anxiety or woe...

The life of an Indian girl post marriage, partly shares its analogy with life after death.(some part may be true for women globally as well).

A girl quits her identity and lives with a new last name(sometimes a new first name as well). Death also separates you from your name.

She has to accept that her actual family post wedding is the family of her spouse. The priority of her own parents goes below the priority of her in-laws. She can do something for her parents if time and resources allow post pampering her new home.

Partly similar to death since you can hardly do anything for your kins post death.

One point of difference here: she can communicate with her erstwhile family post marriage smoothly on phone(Thanks to telecommunication revolution!), unlike post death when you have no choice besides showing up in the dreams of your loved ones.. :D.

The pay check she always wanted to spend on her first family/parents is spent on her new family/in laws. She feels morally disgruntled if she spends something on her biological parents. In effect, the pay check, despite existing, ceases to cause the effect it was brought into existence for.
This is also analogous to death where the paycheck ceases to exist altogether.

She ushers into a whole new world consisting of a new family and new kins. A world which was not known to her till her day of marriage came.
Similar experience occurs when she dies(a whole new world is ushered which was not known to her till the day of her expiry arrived).

On the festive days, the parents come to greet her with gifts consisting of eatables/clothes and flowers etc.
Post death, the person gets greetings/felicitation in her name from kins once a year.

So, all those happily married ladies, please stop being fearful of death, you have been through a partial death experience already!

Heterogenious Locks

Note: Im bit bothered of being tagged wrongly for writing this post, however, I prioritize the freedom of expression to the fear of being notorious  .. :)



I just happened to view some beautiful snaps of a hindu marriage held in CA. The couple looked amazingly happy and contented. Dressed up in red and white saree and dupatta,  the bride was shining perfect. The chemistry of the couple was just amazing(at least in pictures).

The most peculiar thing about this marriage was the fact that the couple consisted of two females.. :)

OK it is a lesbian marriage, (as everyone calls it).
(Don't know what the women who are non lesbians but would like to spend their life with a female partner officially, have to be called as though!)

Wedlock choices of individual(s) have been sponsoring agitation in society for all obvious and non obvious reasons historically. This one for being an "un natural" wedlock.

The wikipedia statistics say that there is no anomaly/weakness(psychological/mental/physical/sexual) seen in the biological children of such couples. If that is the case, why so much of hatred for such wedlocks?

We should not forget the following balancing points which such wedlocks can bring to the society(specifically the asian society where sex ratio is crazily disturbed and poverty is in ample):

1. No hassles/long and depressing hunts for parents in search of a perfect groom if their daughter is ready to mingle with a girl.
2. No life long inferiority for ladki walas(both parties would be ladki walas.. :) )
3. Lesser chances of domestic voilence(both partners are equally strong emotionally and physically)
4. No party asks for dowry... !  .. .. yipieee!
5. Women who act more like males in households donot have to feel shy about their dominating/masculine tendencies if they partner with ladies.
6. It discourages the tendency of having children with DNA of both the parents. (lot of metropolitan couples spill money and spoil health to achieve this before they end up with traditional surrogacy)
7. Last, but not least, it also encourages adoption.

The only complaint I have with the above mentioned marriage is that the couple performed rituals while sitting on chair instead of sitting on the floor. In hindu tradition, while performing such major yajyas, the doers are supposed to sit at the same level as the level of fire bowl(hawan kund)...

Identity Crisis

There has been enough effort I have made to understand who I am. The human/other races I see living around me are all doing same things for centuries: Taking birth, growing up, settling down, reproducing, upbringing the progeny, enjoying the material pleasures, fighting senility and dying. This happens with everyone. But no one knows what happens after this. What happens to the identity we live the whole of our life with?

Reincarnation? ok... so what attribute(s) validate that the soul is same? what is the unique identifier? like we have a primary key in Databases(wrong analogy may be..!). How can we know who we actually are?

Soul of course, is what intelligentsia comes with as an answer.

So, how do we identify a soul? (may be the question is too physical to be asked in context of spiritual discussions).

Its a big and probably the second most urgent crisis envisaged by every conscious mind(first one being the ability to sustain life ... of course!). But ironically, little/no research is sponsored to find out the answer(poor people have no time left post spending the day on making both the ends meet and and rich ones prefer to spend their day demeaning/spying/threatening/showing off and taxing the former).

The consciously ignorant minds choose to concentrate on other things.

Bigger travesty shows up when it becomes very much apparent that ultimately, everyone's aim is to accumulate wealth beyond what (s)he can actually utilize within the scope of current incarnation(life is a single short epoc.. you see). That too, for a beneficiary who is not capable enough to sustain forever(i.e. their respective physical bodies).

investigation continues...